My Little Corner of Insanity

Privacy is an illusion anyway

Thu, 28 May 2020 12:55:16 GMT

I know I've posted here - but the last entry is from 2018... so I'm confused.

I just changed my password - apparently captcha and I aren't on the same page because it too me so many tries to get the answer right, I was beginning to wonder if I wasn't a bot after all.

I'm slowly going stir crazy... I spent an hour on the phone with someone who lives next door when I realised it had been three weeks since I'd spoken to anyone I'd not give birth too.

My conversations with the cats are still one sided, so I guess I'm safe.

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Human Interaction

Mon, 17 Sep 2018 17:59:17 GMT

when did I get so bad that leaving a comment on a fanfic has me almost having a panic attack?

It wasn't a bad comment. I don't make bad comments. (I admit I do sometimes quietly MST3K things to myself, but I keep them to myself) but I did make a comment on one aspect of the fic (because it was driving me batshit, even though it was otherwise and interesting story)

How did I become so removed from Fandom (and people in general) that interacting with them - even behind a pseud and a keyboard - has me freaking the fuck out??

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Well Hell....

Wed, 04 Apr 2018 21:26:08 GMT

A friend recently forwarded me a story that was rewritten and asked for my opinion. She was given the rewrite by the author and was asked to do a quick beta, comments etc. She sent it to me because she was having trouble scraping her jaw up off the floor.

The original was posted years ago. It was a gentle epic tale of romance, true love and enchanted soul mates. It was occasionally (okay more than occasionally) OCC, and she had the habit of doing the Fandom Name Dropping thing, but you forgave her all her fandom sins because the silly thing was just so goddamned sweet

What I just read is everything the original wasn't. I almost wrote and asked her who did the rewrite.

There is style evolution, but this trying to read Alice in Wonderland rewritten by Stephen King. We've gone from "members", and "cocks", to "juicy fat black dicks" (I never thought I'd miss purple spitting snakes). The story now contains (as a main focus) promiscuity, rapes, humiliation, cheating and, everyone's favourite, partner betrayal. Oh, and it's still pretty OCC.

Rape isn't my thing, so I admit bias... but a rape scene that lasts for a week, is described in excruciating detail, and is pointless to the plot? Not. My. Thing. It's not even in the same universe as my thing. When a few scenes later has the victim falling forever in love with the sole mate rapist? Motherfucking Hell.

I am not going to comment on the story, or email the author because I am not going to tell someone I loved the original, but though the rewrite was disgusting.

I got nothing.

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Nothing important - mental flossing

Wed, 31 Jan 2018 02:45:03 GMT

Just something random I need to get off my mind. I just had to to deal with a bunch of drunk texts from a friend.

I live my life in a pretty flexible live and let live sort of way.

I spent decades worrying about other people perceptions of me, and quite frankly, I no longer give a shit what other people think of me. The people who love me are the only ones whose opinions matter to me in the slightest. So, I generally don't care what you do on your own time. If, however, you are on my time, I have one cast in stone rule; you must be, and remain, sober. I don't mean you can't have a drink around me (i have the odd one), you just can't have six, or a couple of bottles of wine, or a 40 of Vodka...

I don't do drunks.

There are way too fucking many empty bottles on my family tree. I no longer have the energy or the patience for the bullshit of anyone who can't remain sober for the hour or so they have to interact with me. If you are drunk, stay the hell away from me.

Is that actually complicated?

I have a friend who is making me crazy. She is a recovering addict, who has been clean for six years. She has turned the corner from *when* she relapses to *if* she relapses. It took her seven years to get that 1 year chip. This has been the longest she has been clean in decades and it was a hard long fought battle. Now she has an apartment, a car, regained her drivers license, is almost out of debt, and is rebuilding her credit.
Alcohol was never her sin of choice, she was a user of hard drugs, but she rarely drank... except now she is dating an alcoholic.

I stayed with her through relapses, through cancer (hers and mine), through crisis, through family disasters... and I am about to walk away from her because she has decided that six beer in an hour is an acceptable way to deal with whatever little disaster life throws at her.

I hate drunks. One of my neighbours is an alcoholic, but he's not a *drunk*. My friend, when she drinks, is a *drunk*. If you've lived with drinkers in your life, you understand the difference.

I put up with drunks for most of my life. I no longer will. I forced someone in my life to make a choice - me or wine (I was chosen)... and it looks like I'm going to have to do it again... and I suspect this time, the beer will win.

I'm sad, and I'm angry.

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LISTEN GODDAMNIT

Fri, 16 Jun 2017 21:00:07 GMT

I can't be the only one who has this happen.

I refuse to believe that I'm the only person who spends way too much time wishing people would listen to what I am ACTUALLY saying rather than listening to maybe three words out of a thousand and deciding they know what I'm trying to say, and are ready with a solid answer for something I didn't fucking ask??

I'm pretty close to homicidal, and maybe if I actually got my fucking roll of Tyvek, I'd be able to hide the body.

I have reached the point where if I hear the words "But you said" at the beginning of a sentence I know that everything that follows is going to be an epic clusterfuck.

I'm too old for this shit.

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lost....

Fri, 26 May 2017 23:33:25 GMT

I've been toying with stuff.

I have a ton of junk, old and new, hanging around in assorted Word files that I'm trying to decide what to do with.

I was wondering in the back of my mind if - even though I'm not part of the in circle - if I could or should apply to join Wild Hare.

I'd love to start writing for fun again. I have basically retired from my "sideline job between real jobs" job, which leaves me precisely zero in terms of creative outlet. I could use something. I tossed a few old things onto AO3, and tossed some old stuff out without posting. It's amazing how my perspective has changed in the last twenty years.

Recovering from a lifetime of abuse has changed a great many things. I looked at some of the TS and StarWars stuff and decided that no amounting of editing or rewriting could change how I felt about it. It was a lifetime ago, and, well GIGO is a pretty solid concept.

So.. Wild Hare... because i have come to the conclusion that I am profoundly and totally *done* with people. Crazy cat lady looks like an awesome post-career career choice

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Why?

Mon, 24 Apr 2017 16:46:43 GMT

I know I'm not alone in having someone in my life who is like a giant black stormcloud determined to rain down upon every tiny bit of optimism you can muster.

Seems we all have one; my question is why the fuck do we put up with it?

I was having a pretty good day. My slave labour was set, my ducks were in a pretty good simulation of a row. Then my own personal StormCloud felt the need to pee all over me.

So much for my week.

So instead of happily wandering off to Home Despot, I'm hiding, typing a bitch session on my phone, and trying very hard not to cry.

Why is seeing me happy and in a good mood something that must be stopped at all costs?

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Meh...

Sun, 23 Apr 2017 23:58:22 GMT

Today has been totally stupid. Nothing major - death by a thousand paper cuts sort of day.

I learned that baby oil in the eyes is a total bitch, and trying to get it out of clothes is pretty much impossible (it was a lot of baby oil). It's also hard to get out of your hair... especially when you were supposed to have already left.

Breakfast was good, but the restaurant seemed extremely loud. Too many people at our table to actually talk to anyone without shouting...

So now I'm home, exhausted, and restless. I have a headache. I can't find anything to read that holds my attention. I can't write, I can't work, I'm caught up on laundry (go me)... and I'm bored.

Bored, exhausted, restless...

Anyone got any brilliant ideas?

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(sigh)

Mon, 17 Apr 2017 02:07:16 GMT

Microsoft Issues, which lead to non Microsoft issues, which I attempted to solve with Mozilla, which lead to Mozilla issues... which circled me back around to the Microsoft issues.

I have a cold. A stupid head cold. I just had to smile through a dinner I could neither smell nor taste. I didn't have a meal, I had a plate of texture. Food you cannot taste or smell is... depressing. Turkey without context is rather bizarre.

Today was simply not worth chewing through the straps.

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%^%&&(%#$% Microsoft

Sun, 16 Apr 2017 15:54:25 GMT

Laptop: Good Morning - your free trial of MSOffice365 has expired.
Me: That's nice, I don't have MS365 - which is why you ask me if I want it every time I open my copy Office 2005
Laptop: Would you like to resubscribe to MSOffice365 now?
Me: No, I don't, because I still don't have 365, and I am very happy with my 2005 version.
Laptop: Would you like me to uninstall MSOffice365 now?
Me: No, don't touch anything.
Laptop: Uninstalling
Me: WHAT, NO, STOP - Don't touch ANYTHING

Yeah, so my laptop decided to uninstall Office365 - a program **I DID NOT HAVE** and in the process uninstalled my old copy of Office - which was a real live licenced and paid for copy.
..and guess what I don't have 12 years later? Proof of fucking purchase.

So my mail program is gone, Word is gone, everything is gone. Because I didn't want to buy a new copy of a program I already had.

I fucking hate computers.

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AO3

Mon, 10 Apr 2017 20:44:47 GMT

I have an account, and a few things posted, but more than half of them were posted via the Smallville Archive migrating a collection over there.

I decided today to clean up. I went in and removed links to long dead websites, and then had to fix other errors I created doing that.

Then I figured, what the hell, I'll post the three orphan stories I found when cleaning up LJ. OMFG, when did I lose the ability to work with a posting interface?? The site fucking *hates* me.

I just spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out why I was having errors, and why I was being told my story was two words long. I tried to preview - and somehow instead of previewing, I jumped back a page and lost the work I'd just done.

MFing Hell.

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I have my moments

Mon, 10 Apr 2017 13:48:15 GMT

Until some of the ficfinder communities move, I'm leaving my LJ account open, but I'm deleting everything except a sticky about my leaving.

Because of this, I have to go in and one by fucking one delete my entries. Good thing I wasn't too prolific. I have found things that make me cringe, and I had forgotten how angry and insane I was in the 00's

This morning I found this line in the middle of a rant about some moron or other on FFdotNet:
"Well I hate you too and you suck and your daddy fucks the babysitter while wearing army boots"

Wow.

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Pass the Advil

Mon, 10 Apr 2017 00:51:18 GMT

I went to IKEA. On a Saturday. So many little people. I went to get bookcases, but while there found Media Center (ish) combo that they had put together that I realised would solve a lot of problems. It had a list of items from different systems so you too could put together this lovely combination.
In these Look What We Came Up With situations, you track down a staff member, give them the number of the combo, and they hand you a piece of paper with all the parts and where to find them. Easy right? Yeah, remember the Saturday part? So we took a look at what was there and attempted to put it together ourselves. After about three quarters of an hour, we were very confused and finally able to track down a staff member. It took him another fifteen minutes to figure out how to print out our list.
We hadn't done too badly.. but as we were gathering stuff we noticed that a good chunk of this list didn't make any sense... so I trucked back upstairs, took a second look, and tracked down a staffer from the actual area. She printed me out a different list.
Back down to self server. We put back a few things, and pick up the right ones. Gathered up the Billy bookcases we'd actually come for, plus a couple of impulse buys (the DVD shelves were on sale), managed to get through the cash, and ran for the nearest fast food outlet because Fuck You, My Fitness Pal, four hours in IKEA and I have earned an order of A&W Onion rings.
Home, and we begin the Great IKEA Assembly. Three bookcases, a dvd shelf, a non billy shelf, a corner shelf, and the Media Center.
Turns out whoever made up that list was smoking the Ivar. I felt like Blind Al. Nothing made any sense. So today, I leave the kids dealing with sorting and rearranging, and i go back to IKEA with a bunch of hardware I do not need, and a list of hardware that wasn't included on the list. If I'd been more alert, I might have realised that perhaps hinges might be needed for a cupboard door, but hey.
Staff at the returns desk were awesome.
I now have a very sexy media cupboard set up. It's all so tidy.

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A Farewell to Livejournal

Fri, 07 Apr 2017 21:09:18 GMT

This will be the last ever crossposted Livejournal/Dreamwidth post.

I am in the process of exporting and deleting everything on LiveJournal.

The LiveJournal account will remain open as a free account, but will be inactive. I have very specific reasons for doing this.

I have gone into Dreamwidth and have disabled access to people crossing over from LJ. If you have a Dreamwidth account, feel free to contact me, and I will be happy to add you to my circle.

My relationship with LJ has been long, and something of a rollercoaster. I will in some way miss it, but the downs far outweigh the highs, and that last ToS from SUP is simply idiotic.

I read it. In Russian. No. Thanks.

So, Cheers,
See you all on the other side.

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Oh, right...

Fri, 07 Apr 2017 19:37:27 GMT

So somewhere along the line I stopped paying attention. As a result, I am going to have to read five years worth of announcements and FAQ's for Dreamwidth.

I have no idea how to friend people. I have no idea how to find people...
basically I have no idea.

For now, everything on here will be public. I'm accepting all offers of help. I can make Windows X do what I want it to do, this should be a cakewalk.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fri, 07 Apr 2017 19:09:57 GMT

Okay, years and years of Live Journal entries that have to be deleted One At A Fucking Time.

Is it really worth keeping the LJ open for the sake of a couple of storyfinder communities?

As of now, I have two, count em two, people on here. I have gotta find some bodies.

Update:
I've had this DW account since Sept of 2010. That is a long time to have done so little with this account.
I'm feeling strangely guilty.
Now that everyone is running from LJ, I can get my shit together - and perhaps there will once again be a sense of community.
...maybe

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SUP Redux

Fri, 07 Apr 2017 18:23:19 GMT

So, this is the first official Dreamwidth only post.
I like many others have bolted from LJ.

I read the new ToS. I actually dug up a friend who reads Russian. The translated version is very close, but the Russian version actually goes farther than even the panicked doomsayers have lamented. It potentially gives them rights to everything.

Yeah. No.

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Just keeping the site open.

Wed, 03 Dec 2014 19:55:31 GMT

I'm not doing much of anything these days - so this is simply a "let Dreamwidth know you're still alive" post.

Feel free to prod me. It's the only way I'm accomplishing anything these days.

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technical issues

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 14:55:00 GMT

I've been having technical issues with four different websites. My passwords are suddenly resetting. Now at first I just thought it was old age; this worried me because passwords to me are one of those stupid things that just lodge in my brain like plaque. Passwords and phone numbers; I can give you phone numbers of my friends from when I was 7.

But it's weird. I have no problem with LJ, or with Blogger, or a dozen others, but EA, Dreamwidth and FB, and A03 are all giving me issues. I have reset all of those passwords twice now - and there are still problems.

I have no idea. I don't think it's all me and if it's a virus, it's an oddly specific one.

Oh well.

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A day in the life...

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:06:15 GMT

Woke up early today. GirlChild has school, and needed to borrow a toonie for the Dress-Down day (the kids get a designate day out of uniform, and the two dollars goes to whatever charity is highlighted that week - usually the food bank). Why she needed this at 6 instead of 7:20 when she goes out the door is a mystery.

Decided that I wasn't up to dealing with Zombie Children, so stayed in bed trying to read. Got increasingly frustrated by AO3's insistence that I have to use the "reader" version. I use a DSi, not a tablet, so the reader version is friggin' unreadable. The fifth time it refused to let me download HTML, I gave up and attempted to watch TV.

Watched the news. Yeah, that'll cheer anyone up.

Gave up, got up, and had a cup of Nutrimat tea. I contemplated the sink full of dishes, and decided to wrap presents instead. It's two days before Crimble, and I'm about as done as I'm going to be. I'm an atheist but I have always taught my kids that it's FAMILY time (they went to Catholic schools, and are now self described spiritual atheists). You decorate - or at least clean - and you exchange gifts. Shopping for the special things is fun.

So I wrapped. Do you have the slightest idea how hard it is to wrap an Espresso Maker? Let me tell you, it's a bitch.

Noticed that it was time to send the 1stBorn off to pick up the sperm donor. He took his brother with him. Alone in the house (and that doesn't happen often) I again contemplated the sink and went to play on Facebook instead. I tended to my Cafe, played in my Pioneer town, and giggled over Keira's comment about wrapping things (I agree, bags are the way to go).

I made myself a cup of tea - it was better than this morning's cup in that it was recognizable as actually being tea.

Finally realising I'd put off the sink as long as I could, I went into the kitchen. I did some dishes. I unblocked the sink. I did some more dishes, and I then unblocked the sink again. I got frustrated, so I nuked a TV dinner which I shared with the dog (he enjoyed it). I'm doing a small turkey for supper tonight, since I have everyone home. My son brined it so all I had to do was stuff onions into it and toss it in the oven. It took me twenty minutes to dig the pan out of the cupboard - my kids have truly masted the art of stacking. Turkey now in oven, I tackled the rest of the dishes. I have no idea what the hell my sons were cooking but I found cookie sheets that I had to use comet to clean.

I unblocked the sink for the third time, and decided I was done.

I returned phone calls - and seriously does anyone have any good news? Figured since I was already rather depressed I'd open Word and watch a cursor blink awhile.

I need to finish making dinner, and I really do have to clean up the room that his currently housing the festive foliage. I think I'm going to delegate.

I'm not complaining. I'm not. I have my kids home, and they're healthy and content. People around me are dealing with loss, I'm not. I've been hearing too much bad news lately, and I have direct links with too much of it. So I muddle through, bitching but coping, and I'll keep that much close to my heart.

Wherever you are, and whatever you celebrate this time of year, I hope you're healthy, happy, and surrounded by people you love.

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truth in advertising

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:38:46 GMT

Giant truck stopped in front of me at a red light today. Huge sucker - crew cab with a full bed and a jacked up suspension - large powerful engine and tires that would not look out of place on a Cabover Pete... you get the idea, yes?

Vanity license plate - COPINSATN

It took me a minute - but when I clued in I almost pee'd myself. Wondering if it was his own idea, or a gift from a (no doubt female) friend.

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Talk to me peeps

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 21:47:35 GMT

I have just been presented with an opportunity to be totally and completely selfish. I need you to talk me into it, or maybe out of it... but I'm hoping for the former.

For a not unreasonable sum, this October I can have three days in Stratford. My trip would include three plays (Jesus Christ Superstar, Camelot and Merry Wives of Windsor) a backstage tour of the Festival Theater, all meals except lunch on Saturday, all tips, travel, taxes and gratuities. We would be staying at what appears to be a very nice hotel, and would have a leisurely drive home on Sunday, with a stop for lunch at a place that has a stellar reputation.

The cost (based on double occupancy, but I doubt I'd have trouble finding a traveling companion) is $875 all inclusive.

That's a lot of money - but if I'm careful, I can swing it. I want to go - thing is, I don't *do* things like that - I don't just say "hey, listen, I'm taking a grand out of the budget for pure indulgence". My car died last week, and I'm absolutely agonizing over trying to find another one - I don't want to spend the money. I'm not cheap, but my head seems to have developed a low limit over the years. Twenty-five years ago I'd have already booked the ticket... now I keep thinking it's $1000 off the bills or the price of a dead cheap used car.

I *want* this. I just need someone to justify it for me... I can't seem to do it for myself.

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pfffft

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 04:35:02 GMT

This has been a horrendous couple of weeks. I've had to deal with some very real problems, and in the midst of it all, I've had to deal with more than my fair share of utter morons.

I hate people - I abhor bullies, and I despair of the fact that idiots, rather than the meek, seem to be frontrunner for inheriting.

Explain to me how eugenics can be a "good thing" - what the hell is "proper ethics"? Especially when used in the same paragraph as "careful guidance".

Why are there a group of University students taking Bio-Psychology and being allowed to completely ignore all of the "electives" -like *History* - because there is "no practical value" to learning about the past?

Why is it acceptable parenting to think it "cute" and "being a kid" when your 7 year old tries to kill ducklings with a pipe?

Why, when you can make no logical, or even intelligent, comment, it it proper to simply make a bunch of "fat jokes"? Does this actually impress the person you're fucking? Does that say more about them, or you?

In what universe is it a good idea to follow your boyfriend into someone's house and start screaming at them?

How hard is it to lift the lid off a garbage can to see if the payment tag is attached to the bag?

What part of "no thank you" is incomprehensible to Door-to-Door-Christians?

If someone tells you there has been a death in the family, the correct response is "I'm sorry", not "Well at least you weren't that close".

The laws of physics are Non-Negotiable. Yes, this applies to you, even if your "motorcycle" has three wheels. It doesn't apply double during rush hour, but in your case, it should.

Speed, when applied to sex, is never a selling point. Speed, when applied to whether or not you need to open another register, always is.

Deer-flies are *evil*.

Your Pharmaceuticals division made a profit in the billions last year - so how about you get caught up on your four month back-order?

Wonderbread is terrifying when it goes moldy.

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I'm rich in my dreams.

Sun, 22 May 2011 17:58:11 GMT

Okay - I love cars. I do- sexy, sleek convertibles, or powerful pickups - I love things with motors. I not only know what a hemi is - I scoff at them - give me a 450 any day, and I'll show you what real power can do. I once snarled at a neighbour who was trying to sell his car - a badly neglected '76 Midget, still lovingly coated in the original British Racing Green; he was going to paint it red to see if it would sell faster .

In the days of old - when a tank of gas didn't require me selling a child into indentured servitude - I dreamed of a fully loaded, no crewcab in sight, Ford truck. When Mazda introduced the Miata, I damn near came in the middle of the Autoshow. Since I will be the first to admit I'm not aging with any good grace, a while back I decided that I was going to, at some point, be rich enough to have a proper mid life crisis car.

... so far I'm still seriously underfunded, but I'm nothing if not hopeful.

So last week, I was in a used car lot. A friend is looking for a second car and she can actually afford to look at cars at real dealers (I can't, I drive a 14 year old Escort- now granted it's my 4th Escort because the damned things are *tanks*, but still I've got two sons in uni, my next car will not cost fifteen grand). We're wandering around the lot, trying not to weep at the prices on 2nd hand vehicles, and then across the lot - I saw it.

THE CAR.

I have no idea how I missed it, but it seems in the mid 2000's the nice people at Chevrolet kidnapped a high end sports car - British from the look of the dash - and locked it into a room with a shiny new Pickup truck. They then pumped pheromones into the place and let nature take it's course.

They fucked like little automotive daemons, and produced the most beautiful baby - the SSR.
http://www.jamb.ca/gallery/Newcars/chevySSR
http://www.jamb.ca/gallery/Newcars/chevySSR2

It's a *convertible*, it has a sporty dash with a proper tach, it's a low slung sports car... it's a pickup, it can take *cargo*, it's the most beautiful shade of midnight blue, with black leather and it's a *stick*. This car was designed with me in mind - it's perfect - it's *my* car.

It's Clex made of rubber and steel. It's amazing.

Oh...

It's also thirty two thousand dollars used, and according to "carfax", that's a good price.

I shall continue to dream.

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A Parenting Moment

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 21:53:02 GMT

"Uh... Mom, did you know that Jello melted?"

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